JUNKFILM

The upcoming Max Payne will get a PG-13 rating for the theatrical release. The director, John Moore, says he will be releasing a DVD version more for the fans, which is supposedly more atmospheric and slower paced, similar to the game.

Behind the scenes pics have leaked online showing behind the mask of the new Jason Voorhees.

Johnny Depp has signed on for two films, coming up very soon.
1. He is playing Tonto in the theatrical version of The Lone Ranger. The studio is currently trying to get George Clooney to play the Lone Ranger.
2. He will be playing the Mad Hatter in Tim Burton’s “Alice”

The Dark Knight DVD box art has been released. It seems there will be 3 versions, but the Blu-ray, with all of it’s extras and the promise of keeping the IMAX footage in IMAX ratio, seems to be best purchase.

“Shia LaBeouf thriller “Eagle Eye” took in $9.8 million on Friday. Spike mLee’s new travesty is at 9th.

Paramount will still own the distribution rights for Dream Works Animations up until 2012. This includes the Kung Fu Panda sequel in 2011.

The screener for Dark Knight has the option to be sent out as a SD DVD or Blu-Ray DVD to all the judges for the Academy. Why Blu-ray? Christopher Nolan is a huge fan of the technology.

While Johnny Depp has signed on for a 4th Pirates by Disney, Keira has declined saying “it’s time to do other things…”

Anne Hathaway really doesn’t want a career. She asked the studios if they wanted to make a sequel to the shit fest that was “The Devil Wears Prada” and the studios quickly turned and said it was a bad idea.

And speaking of bad ideas…

Uwe Boll went to Blizzard asking for permission to make the World of Warcraft film adaptation. Blizzard politely laughed and said, “Thank you, but no.”

A fun look at why certain franchises should simply die out before they make themselves worse then they have already become.

George Romero is confirmed as making a new zombie movie that is not a Diary of the Dead sequel as everyone had thought it was. All the news we have now… Underwater zombies.

300 and Watchmen director, Zak Snyder has signed a contract with Electronic Arts (EA) to make 3 video games. There is a clause in the contract that says he has options to make the movie adaptations of the games.

To make Mr White happy… Stalone has been seen flyer half way across the world, presumably in search of locations for his new Rambo film.

Snuck into the trailer for The Spirit it appears to be a…is that….wait….No, it can’t be….a perfect remake of a panel from The Watchmen comics? Oh I think it is.

Leathal Weapon 5 is still afloat and awaiting for Mel Gibson’s approval.

And just for fun…
5 upcoming 80’s remakes that shouldn’t be.

A friend had written me this past day asking me if I was afraid of the Michael Bay remake (or as most film makers are calling it now, “re-envisioning” of the original film) and in all honesty,  I can’t say enough about this topic.  We have to face it that remakes are a part of our life: from music to books, pieces of art to cars.  But none are as evident as the film remake.  Sometimes, you don’t even know a film is a remake, which is some what disappointing at times.  But not nearly as disappointing and failing to make a remake as good as the original.

Many movies are remade (Unfaithful, In The Bedroom, Lake House, The Departed, My Sassy Girl, and the list can go on all day) but I am willing to bet not nearly as much as the horror genre.  What names can we list off the top of our heads?  The Grudge, The Ring, Halloween, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Night of the Living Dead, Dawn of the Dead, Day of the Dead, The Eye, and so on.  Rob Zombie can sit on both sides of the fence with his Halloween remake travesty to his brilliantly scribed and shot 1970 homage film, House of 1000 Corpses.  While homage films are becoming more prevalant (House of 1000 Corpses, Hostel, the two Grindhouse movies) the remakes, I believe, will only become more and more available and mundane in the Hollywood system.

With the remake (or re-envisioning if it makes you sleep better at night) of Friday the 13th coming out soon the concern of remakes is still abundantly ruining the scene for horror.  Many think the Texas Chainsaw remake was scary, these are the same people who just started Jr High, and many thought the remake of Night of the Living Dead was cool, but it ruined the ending completely from the original.  The only horror remake I can name that worth of a minute effort of anything was Dawn of the Dead, but this I have to attribute to the director, Zak Snyder (300, Watchmen).

I love horror movies.  I have always loved horror movies.  I have always been on the scope for the next scare.  I have dug and dug deeper and deeper into the vast catacombs of what is out there horror-wise.  I have found the everyday titles such as Friday the 13th, Nightmare on Elm  Street, and Halloween.  I have found the undead realm of  Night of the Living Dead, Evil Dead, and The Dead Next Door.  I have found the flesh eating fanatics with Cannibal Holocaust, Cannibal Ferox, and 28 Days Later.  I have found J-Horror with The Ring, Junk, and 3 Extremes.  I have found psycho-horror with Henry: A Portrait of a Serial Killer, Exorcist, and Battle Royale.  I have found Comedy Horror with Army of Darkness, Dead Alive, and Bad Taste.  I have found the torture porn (which is a real genre name) with August Underground, Buried Alive, and The Guinea Pig Experiments.  I have found stuff called Far Beyond which are mostly short films made to look 100% real.  I keep looking for the next thing to turn the cinematic tide, finding it for a little while and then moving on to the next.

But am I afraid of Friday the 13th sucking?  About as much as I was with the TCM remake and the Dawn remake and the Halloween remake.  I walked into TCM with high hopes and was utterly let down.  I walked into Dawn with fear and left the theater with a grin from ear to ear.  I walked into Halloween with higher hopes and was crushed, completely.  What about Jason?  I am NOT looking forward to this movie at all.  I am dreading it.  Will I go see it?  Sigh….of course I will.  Will be bitch about the second I get home?  Most definately.  But please, let me reiderate something…I hate Michael Bay.  As a person, I probably wouldn’t mind hanging out with him, he seems like a fun guy.  As a director or producer, he’s fine for the mindless droves of movie goers who would rather spend their $10 and see a non-thinking, action ride that has so many problems with the story and character development that all you’re likely to hear from the movie goer is “hmmm, ’splosions.”

And here’s the bitch… Bay can get any property he wants, it seems.  I’m surprised he’s not attached to the upcoming Thundercats or Akira film adaptations.  He just doesn’t understand the proper amounts of camp vs seriousness.  For a great example of this, rewatch Spider-Man 2.  Spider-Man (the first two films, we shall not speak of the 3rd) is a perfect example of how to design a character arch and make the audience love him/her.  He has problems, he has heart ache, he is a good natured guy.  Transformers was slapped together with so much special effects they forgot that they were dealing with characters and not cardboard cut outs.  “Friday” will more than likely be campy and over the top, similar to the Texas remake.  I love the Voorhees character.  He’s creepy and just fucking scary at times.  Michael got to be too much of a weird story with the Thorn Cult.  Friday, up til part 9, had it’s story that was more believable.  Of course, part 9 and beyond was just fucking retarded.  So I don’t know how I feel completely about the remake.  I think, if the director was someone else, who didn’t have a flair for the over-zealousness I would be more excited.  Maybe even Sean Cunningham again.

I have heard talks of the remake of Nightmare on Elm Street.  To be honest, with the 4 major slasher franchises (Nightmare, Friday, Halloween, and Texas) this is the one that still stands perfectly well on it’s own.  I love all the originals of the four series above.  But as time goes by, you start to notice some pretty harsh acting, bad effects, and over all, not as scary as you once thought it was.  Nightmare on Elm Street still rocks, this is not saying much about the sequels (though I still love them, save part 2 and the theaterical version of part 5 which was so badly recut together that the plot was nil and void of anything coherant).  And yes, if they movie is remade, a Johnny depp cameo would be excellent.

I think I have gone off on some tangents, but my point is clear.  Stop remaking movies that were excellent to begin with.  Start making new stories.  Saw was a great example of new horror, too bad it started to horrible suck after the first one, but still, start making new ideas, new genres, new scares.  Of course, look to the past and see what worked and what terrified the world…and make it better, don’t remake the same thing for today’s audience, it’s an insult and a pathetic attempt to capatilize on someone else’s ideas.  It’s sad to say the least.

Looks like the new Friday the 13th remake trailer will be attached to Saw V this October. Saw opens Oct 24th.

Rorshach protests outside Fox Studios. Will You Be Watching the Watchmen?

M Night Shyamalan has been kicking the idea around of finishing what he started years ago. He is trying to decide is finishing the trilogy of Unbreakable is in his best interest. Samuel L says the movie is supposed to include his character breaking out of the mental hospital and trying to get revenge on Bruce Willis.

Michael Moore is at it again with his new film, “Slacker Uprising.” Similar to his last film he is saying “fuck you” to the MPAA and releasing the film for free online. Go and snag it now.

The court in India threw out Warner Bros. case of copywrite infringement with the Bollywood film “Hari Puttar: A Comedy of Terrors.” What ever happened to Turkish Star Wars?

And probably the coolest thing since the man himself, Bruce Campbell is going on a nation-wide tour supporting his new film, “My name is Bruce.” The comedy stars Bruce Campbell as Bruce Campbell. It will be in Illinois! Hooray! Check out the website for tour dates and information.

I know I harp a lot on movies.  I see movies are “alright” and I know they could have been so much better.  I see movies that are painful to watch but know that there is a demographic out there.  I lambaste a lot of films because I think the movie going public deserves better.  Do I think all movies should be as mind-provoking and meaningful as films like “Pi” or “Pan’s Labyrinth” or “No Country for Old Men?”  Absolutely not.  Is the answer then, if there were no bad films how could we decipher the good ones?  No.  Everyone once and a while I understand it’s nice to curl up on the couch with a frosty Dr Pepper and some take out Panda Express and just watch a stupid movie and enjoy it.  Sometimes you aren’t looking for depth and for a new outlook on life.  Sometimes you simply want to be entertained.

However, this is where some people think that film should reside only.  In entertainment.  This is like saying, “Comic books should only be about super heroes,” or “Books should only be about historical fact,” or “Nascar should be considered a sport.”  No one goes to Nascar thinking they are going to see some fine examples of athleticism.

I guess, this is just a “keep in mind” kinda thing.  Don’t hate a movie just because it’s a foreign film.  And this is where I need to start trying to get better, don’t hate a movie just because it stars a famous starlet or looks like a really crappy comedy.  We have to give films a chance.

Just something to think about when you are renting your next film for the evening.

And since I lambaste so many movies I think it’s time I give something back to the films that deserve notice.  I write for another page as well at the comic book company I work for called Darth JayDer Comics.  Every Monday I update with movies, games, comics, and music that I think people would appreciate as much as I have.  Feel free to go and check us out as well.” Plus you can read a free issue #1 of our comic book, Lost.

There are many films that I love that I honestly believe no one I watch them with or recommend to would ever enjoy them half as much as I do….But here are some movies I would recommend and think people who honestly like them (the links are to the IMDB page for more info):

Europa Europa
A boy in Nazi Germany, trying to conceal that he is Jewish, joins the Hitler Youth.

Bomb the System
A tribute to graffiti art and the city where it all began. Blest, a 19-year-old graffiti writer, has just graduated from high school. With no ambition toward mainstream goals of work and family, he spends his time bombing the city with graffiti messages until he and his crew become the most wanted bombers by the corrupt NYPD Vandal Squad.

Double Indemdity
An insurance rep lets himself be talked into a murder/insurance fraud scheme that arouses an insurance investigator’s suspicions.

Kikujiro
Brash, loudmouthed and opportunistic, Kikujiro hardly seems the ideal companion for little Masao who is determined to travel long distances to see the mother he has never met. Their excursion to the cycle races is the first of a series of adventures for the unlikely pair which soon turns out to be a whimsical journey of laughter and tears with a wide array of surprises and odd ball characters to meet along the way.

Love me if you Dare
As adults, best friends Julien and Sophie continue the odd game they started as children — a fearless competition to outdo one another with daring and outrageous stunts. While they often act out to relieve one another’s pain, their game might be a way to avoid the fact that they are truly meant for one another.

Sky High (American - Disney)
Set in a world where superheroes are commonly known and accepted, young Will Stronghold, the son of the Commander and Jetstream, tries to find a balance between being a normal teenager and an extraordinary being.

Dr. Strangelove: Or How I Learned To Worrying And Love The Bomb
An insane general starts a process to nuclear holocaust that a war room of politicians and generals frantically try to stop. Also noted on many critics favorite comedy film.

Free Enterprise
Young filmmakers (Rafer Weigel, Eric McCormack) trying to hawk a movie titled “Bradykillers” about a serial killer who goes after victims Marcia, Jan, and Cindy meet their screen idol, William Shatner. Shatner, appearing as himself, has fun poking fun at his own image. The two young men, who idolize him and in their fantasies have seen him as a shadowy fairy godfather figure, are alarmed at the reality of the middle-aged non-Captain Kirk man that they meet. However, their relationship helps anchor the two more into reality.

I hope you enjoy these as much as I do…

The late Japanese film maker, Akira Kurosawa, is being honored by having 5 of his master piece films restored from the either the original negatives or highly cleaned original prints of his films: “Kagemusha,” “Seven Samurai,” “Ran,” “Rashomon,” “Yojimbo” and “Dersu Uzala.”

The film getting the most attention it would seem is “Rashomon.”  It seems that there is no original cut on film of the film since 1970 when Japan outlawed the harbinging and storing any explosive devices.  The film was made of nitrate thus designated “combustible nitrate” and outlawed, and sadly destroyed.   A world wide hunt began trying to find elements of the film to piece together.

“Criterion had put out a DVD that had been made from a fine-grain negative . . . but it hadn’t been made from the original negative,” says academy archivist Mike Pogorzelski.  “I was expecting to see a really long list of archives of elements, but there weren’t that many copies.”

In 1962, the Japanese film commission made a print of the film and kept it in storage.  It would appear that the film print had never been used.  Pogorzelski says, “It became apparent that this print was as close to the original negative as we were going to get.”

The films will be shown for the public at the Samuel Goldwyn Theater in Beverly Hills…and any lucky sonuvabitch who gets to go know that I am jealous as hell, Kurosawa has been my favorite director since the first time I watched “Seven Samurai.”  The screening series coincides with the academy’s latest exhibition, “Akira Kurosawa: Film Artist,” in its two galleries. The exhibition, which begins Friday and continues for the next three months, features the late director’s original artwork, posters, scripts, memos, photographs and even his trademark sunglasses.

Anyone feeling generous and want to fly me out?   Maybe the blog site will be cool and give me a plane ticket to go and review the scene.

t would seem that Stalone is head over heels with the idea that he wants to continue making more Rambo movies. In fact, he wants to make a part 5 AND a part 6. (shiver)

Universal Studios has reopened the King Kong ride….only, they have remodeled it after Peter Jackson’s overly hyped remake…

Fox has green lit a new animated show that centers on a disfunctional family and the father is a Nascar driver. The show is produced and voiced by Jeff Foxworthy….(yet another shiver)

Rob Cohen is set to team back up for another stab at the xXx movie with a part 3…only this time we are harkoning back to the original and starring Vin Diesel.

Seeing as how I have seen a trailer for the upcoming episode of Fringe, it would appear they have not yet canceled it. Sigh…

Not really “news”, but fun movie related anyways. This is very similar to a paper I wrote for a film critique class back in 2001. Harry Potter VS Star Wars.

I think I might keep this review short and sweet, so you can get off your ass and go and get this movie tonight.  Th movie I speak of is The Onion Movie.  And if you have never read the news paper, The Onion, you have been doing yourself a great misservice. Go and read some when you are done with this awesome review.

The newspaper is a satire on current news and trends.  Kinda like the Daily Show, but in printed form  and MUCH MORE satirical instead of flat out humor.  Plus the newspapers are free.  Why aren’t you reading them?

Anyways, the movie is very reminiscent of the 1970’s “Kentucky Fried Movie” and the 1980’s “Amazon Women on the Moon.”   The films are skits and fake commercials and news reports strung together by a narrative slung in through out.  Some movies that try this fail miserably.  However, in the vein of “KF Movie,” this movie bases it’s satire on the current pop culture and media trends.  So while people might not be able to identify as well with “KF Movie” they will surely recognize the inanity of the ideals this movie is portraying.

Touching on topics like pop icons being too sexual, politics being asinine, terrorists portrayals, and racial  stereotypes abound.  From reading this list, one would think this would be classified in the “Epic Movie” genre and therefore: shit on, burnt, ate by a Hollywood Studio Exec, shit out once again, and placed inside of an evil warlock’s nut sack.  But this isn’t the case.  And the movie let’s us know along the way that they are self aware.  And this only ads to the beauty this film portrays.  There is a moment when the film pauses and evaluated itself with “film experts” and a modern film watcher.

The movie at times is low brow and crude, but at other times intelligent and thought provoking how we run our media.  Either way, it’s a hell of a ride and I will be buying this one for sure.

Grade: B-
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And finally your moment of Zen….

The attempts at trying to find anything worth while watching the pilot to the new TV show…FRINGE

Ah, the life of a recluse.  Saturday in the Chicago-land area was down fall central.  We had more rain here than most places have good food.  With the constant flooding of streets, we had decided to stay in on this day after we had drove out to Chicago for a freelance photoshop gig.  Over the past 2 weeks my Netflix copies have been building up so we decided to have a go at the stack of DVDs before us.

We first tried the new-to-us show, The Riches, and immediatly fell in love with it.  The script is well designed and the acting far above expectations.  Eddie Izzard and Minnie Driver are remarkable actors.  And this show has something different when it comes to child actors….kids who can act.  Very good watch…but I will not review the entire show until I have watched one complete season.  So far, it’s only been 3 episodes, so we’re a ways off.

Feel in love with another cable show called Flight of the Conchords. If you have yet to see this you are doing yourself a disservice.  It’s brilliant funny.  It’s not the kind of funny you just walk away from and come back and do laundry to like Seinfeld.  I ahte Seinfeld.  With a fucking passion.  Flight is corny at parts but it’s the kind of corny that only drags your laugh deeper.  It’s brilliant, and I want to use that word lightly since this is deserving of it.  Highly recommend this one to any one who enjoys a good laugh and asmart musical accompanying behind it.  The songs the show bursts into are funny and clever, but damn catchy at the same time.  I want to find a CD of the songs.

And on to the rest of the night…documentaries…..

The first doc of the evening was “Otaku Unite!”    A much anticipated doc for me since I have been waiting quite a while to see a doc about anime culture and the fanatics behind it called otaku.  The doc seems like something that would be a great watch and even a challenging event, but it often fails where it should jump up and question things.  I don’t want to delve too far into this but I have to say I was much less interested in the actual people than  was with picking part problems with the film itself.  And when you are documenting people and their views, and they concerns, and their world, those people are supposed to draw us in, visually, viserally, and vividly.  Unfortunately, the films lacks any real substance besides a tutorial on the history of anime and the consumer base it’s produced.

I really wanted to like this, as I used to be one of these fans.  I used to go to the anime cons and dress up, buy stupid amounts of crap to feel like I was a real fan.  I wanted to like this because I wanted to see a view of the world I had once been a part of and overtly interested in.  The film makes an argument that these are normal people but instantly shows a negative side, unintentionally, by showing people who are not good communicators and possible bad hygene.  I know, this comes with the world you enter.  You can’t do a comic book convention doc and not show the horror side of it all.  But this isn’t my argument.  The people they interview have to be engaging.  We have to either LOVE them or simply HATE them.  If we are interested in what they are saying, we find affection toward them.  Not physical of course, but the kind you feel when you can’t look away because it’s so engaging to listen to.

This brings us to the next doc of the evening.

“Snuff: A Documentary about Killing on Film” was much less and much more than I was expecting.  I was a bit let down with the low numbers of faux snuff films they decided to talk about and show in the course of the film.  I was hoping for more exposure and detail on the faux snuff world (films like: “August Underground” and it’s 2 sequels, “Guinnie Pig Experiments”, “Cannibal Ferox”, and more).  They did touch on films like “Snuff”, “Cannibal Holocaust”, they showed a scene from GPE but never talked about it and how thousands of people really thought it was a snuff film.  Even Charlie Sheen called the FBI thinking it was real.

The film goes into discussions about what is a snuff film from a pretty low amount of interviewees.  The interviewees consisted of a film maker, a film producer, an ex cop, an ex FBI agent, a video store clerk, a Communication teacher, and a film enthusist.  Ironically, the film enthusist was the most engaging of the bunch.  The best stories came from the film producer, who was behind the creation of the original “Texas Chainsaw Massacre.”

The major argument of the film was “is snuff a real thing?” While they argue about the “Faces of Death” series and other similar things including news footage, they talk about war videos and murders caught on tape, the answer was never talked about if snuff was real until the very end, told through a pretty sickening story.  Some of the interviewees were quite dull to listen to, and the only real nausiating part of the doc was either the story at the end or the sample from “Cannibal Holocaust” where an animal is brutally murdered on film.

There was a section that caught my interest but the delving into the subject was nil and void.  They discussed the backlash of the 1974 film, “Snuff.”  They talked about how people were up in arms about the controversy and horror and sickness of the film while many of these people thought it was completely real.  The movie portrays a scene in a film being shot by a film crew where a girls gets stabbed.  The film crew cuts and the actress and a crewman  start getting hot for each other.  She notices the camera is still running and then the crewman grabs a knife and stabs her in the shoulder, very slowly.  I HIGHLY suggest anyone try and watch this scene.  Unfortunately, I can’t find a YouTube video of this scene, I keep finding Slipknot, Gene McDaniels, and Buddy Knox (metal and jazz…that’s hardcore snuff to be sure).  But the scene is so painfully fake that any nonfilm person can see that her body is inside the bed she is being cut on, and the entrails being pulled out are sadly fake as well.  It looks fake as shit.  I would have liked to have seen interviewees of both sides, horror fans who watched this in the theaters and the picket people who thought it was real.  But no, we got a video store clerk.

Hm….

Honestly, it was an interesting watch and an informative view, but it felt much more like a “part 1 of a 7 part series.”  It just touched on too little for me.

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And your moment of Zen comes today from my friend Tor….

Benny Lava and the Bollywood translation.

Looks like there is some good news and horrible news out there today, kids.

-On the set of”GI Joe”, actor Joseph Gordon Levitt, COBRA Commander, praises the original voice actor for the 1980s cartoon show, Chris Latta, as a “fantastic voiceover artist, but if you did that exact voice it would sound ridiculous in a live-action movie. I guess it’s half Chris Latta and half me.”

-Early in 2009, Sony is set to release a direct-to-DVD sequel to Open Season.  No news yet on story or title, but with a $190 million gross from the first, looks like mongoloids world over and their insipid parental units will be purchasing more regurgitated crap.

- A new Transformer has been outted for the upcoming sequel, “Revenge of the Fallen.”  He is Devastator, the combination of 5 other Transformers to combine and make one giant one.  Looks like we can be expecting the Dinobots too, then.

“GRIMLOCK SMASH!!!”

-  Truly terrifying news as Eva Mendez says she has talked to Nic Cage and he is working, presumably on a sequel to”Ghost Rider”….it is a dark day, my friends.  More horrible news from Eva and Nic, just like every other person who is in need of a good whack with a 2×4 for wanting a white-wash over their movies, they are remaking “Bad Lieutenant”, entitled: “Port of New Orleans.”  Now, I hate remaking foreign films just so people in America can find satisfaction with a White face playing the lead role.  “My Sassy Girl”, “The Lake House”, “The Eye”, “The Grudge”, “Unfaithful”, “In The Bedroom”, and I can keep doing this all damn day….

- Looks like “The Dark Knight” will be rereleased to IMax in January, just in time for Oscar season.  Get that movie fresh back into people’s minds when voting.  So for all those (cough cough RICK and DANIELLE cough cough) who might have seen some negative things in the film before, why not go see it again and see what a good film it was.

- It would seem that Arnie was on set for the new “Terminator” films this week providing ADR (voice over for my non film people) for some characters in the film.  It’s also rumored that he will be giving digital face prints to the new terminators in the film.  The Govinator is gonna destroy us all….

____And finally____Your moment of Zen______

Hello fellow film lovers and critics who simply hate the trash spewing out from Hollywood’s corrupt open sores.  For those of you who already know me, expect the future posts to be the same unforgiving and unapologetic views on films that you have come to love.  A thank you to those of you who always sent ramped emails, love letters, and applaudingly poetic commentary on my scribbles (thank you again, Mom, you seem to be the only one).

For those of you who do not know my dawdling doodles of diction, welcome to one of the angriest film critics you will likely read.  This isn’t to say that I am without my honor-givings where said honor is due, but let’s put it simply and in away to explain easiest, I have given 2 A’s for films this year.  I grade on a public schooling system, since this is how I was raised.   Note, the improper grammar at various locations.  Unlike most reviewers, I don’t look for star appeal nor mush entertainment value.  I look to see if the movie is a “good film.”  And to me, “good” is not a opinion based thing.  I dissect the lighting, the acting, the script, the editing, the direction, production value, and more.  If I find a movie simply enjoyable and entertaining, then it will receive a low grade, just like I did in high school.  The grades are as follows:

A - This is reserved for the highest of quality movies.  Hence, most movies don’t come close to this feat.

B - The movie falls short of being on my top 25 for the year, but that doesn’t mean it’s trash.  Something about this movie has piqued my interest, however, not everything is in place to make it great.

C - Meh, I didn’t hate myself for watching this but in the same vein I could’ve spent my time better eating cheerios on the toilet, pondering life.

D - Why the hell would this movie be green lit in the first place?  A waste of my time and people who enjoy this should be drug out in the middle of the street and have to watch “Big Mama’s House” part 1 and two, back to back for the rest of their lives.

F - Why did I bother?  Before I’m done slitting my own wrists I will be driving to the house of the director and promptly destroying his/her family for the unholy evils they have produced into the cinematic world.

Well I hope you enjoy what is to come because I love doing it.  Much love, with Dr. Pepper & Panda Express for all!