JUNKFILM

Looks like there is some good news and horrible news out there today, kids.

-On the set of”GI Joe”, actor Joseph Gordon Levitt, COBRA Commander, praises the original voice actor for the 1980s cartoon show, Chris Latta, as a “fantastic voiceover artist, but if you did that exact voice it would sound ridiculous in a live-action movie. I guess it’s half Chris Latta and half me.”

-Early in 2009, Sony is set to release a direct-to-DVD sequel to Open Season.  No news yet on story or title, but with a $190 million gross from the first, looks like mongoloids world over and their insipid parental units will be purchasing more regurgitated crap.

- A new Transformer has been outted for the upcoming sequel, “Revenge of the Fallen.”  He is Devastator, the combination of 5 other Transformers to combine and make one giant one.  Looks like we can be expecting the Dinobots too, then.

“GRIMLOCK SMASH!!!”

-  Truly terrifying news as Eva Mendez says she has talked to Nic Cage and he is working, presumably on a sequel to”Ghost Rider”….it is a dark day, my friends.  More horrible news from Eva and Nic, just like every other person who is in need of a good whack with a 2×4 for wanting a white-wash over their movies, they are remaking “Bad Lieutenant”, entitled: “Port of New Orleans.”  Now, I hate remaking foreign films just so people in America can find satisfaction with a White face playing the lead role.  “My Sassy Girl”, “The Lake House”, “The Eye”, “The Grudge”, “Unfaithful”, “In The Bedroom”, and I can keep doing this all damn day….

- Looks like “The Dark Knight” will be rereleased to IMax in January, just in time for Oscar season.  Get that movie fresh back into people’s minds when voting.  So for all those (cough cough RICK and DANIELLE cough cough) who might have seen some negative things in the film before, why not go see it again and see what a good film it was.

- It would seem that Arnie was on set for the new “Terminator” films this week providing ADR (voice over for my non film people) for some characters in the film.  It’s also rumored that he will be giving digital face prints to the new terminators in the film.  The Govinator is gonna destroy us all….

____And finally____Your moment of Zen______

Hello fellow film lovers and critics who simply hate the trash spewing out from Hollywood’s corrupt open sores.  For those of you who already know me, expect the future posts to be the same unforgiving and unapologetic views on films that you have come to love.  A thank you to those of you who always sent ramped emails, love letters, and applaudingly poetic commentary on my scribbles (thank you again, Mom, you seem to be the only one).

For those of you who do not know my dawdling doodles of diction, welcome to one of the angriest film critics you will likely read.  This isn’t to say that I am without my honor-givings where said honor is due, but let’s put it simply and in away to explain easiest, I have given 2 A’s for films this year.  I grade on a public schooling system, since this is how I was raised.   Note, the improper grammar at various locations.  Unlike most reviewers, I don’t look for star appeal nor mush entertainment value.  I look to see if the movie is a “good film.”  And to me, “good” is not a opinion based thing.  I dissect the lighting, the acting, the script, the editing, the direction, production value, and more.  If I find a movie simply enjoyable and entertaining, then it will receive a low grade, just like I did in high school.  The grades are as follows:

A - This is reserved for the highest of quality movies.  Hence, most movies don’t come close to this feat.

B - The movie falls short of being on my top 25 for the year, but that doesn’t mean it’s trash.  Something about this movie has piqued my interest, however, not everything is in place to make it great.

C - Meh, I didn’t hate myself for watching this but in the same vein I could’ve spent my time better eating cheerios on the toilet, pondering life.

D - Why the hell would this movie be green lit in the first place?  A waste of my time and people who enjoy this should be drug out in the middle of the street and have to watch “Big Mama’s House” part 1 and two, back to back for the rest of their lives.

F - Why did I bother?  Before I’m done slitting my own wrists I will be driving to the house of the director and promptly destroying his/her family for the unholy evils they have produced into the cinematic world.

Well I hope you enjoy what is to come because I love doing it.  Much love, with Dr. Pepper & Panda Express for all!