JUNKFILM

It isn’t like me to bitch or complain about things…cough cough….(holding up the sarcasm sign…maybe a little higher for those in the back)… and I know everyone has different tastes in film, which I have come to grips with and realized this is for the best… But when you publish a list of the 31 Best Horror Movies you had better know at least the basis of what you are talking about.

This won’t be long, just some grievances any movie fan would call out, so I figure it’s my duty.

1. Movie #31: The Ring
First off, this is a decent remake, but still it doesn’t hold up to the sheer creep-factor of the original. For the best example look at the remake when the little girl crawls out of the screen: the scene is cut together rapidly, like a music video style, between the main girl, Rachel, racing in her SUV to get to the apartment of her boyfriend…friend..husband…(I forget… really I just don’t give a shit) and the little girl Samara crawling out of the TV screen. I would suppose that the film makers thought this juxtaposition would hieghten the tension and make the feeling much more high paced… in reality it decreases the creepiness and ruins the fear factor of the scene. Plus, the fast paced editing made the end of the scene look like a trailer.

The Japanese version has the little girl crawling straight toward you, no cuttin, and you can feel yourself moving back in your seat….similarly to the Japanese vs American film, Pulse. The Japanese version is much slower, but the creepy factor goes to the original.

2. #28: The Descent

Did anyone actually watch this movie? If you did you know it’s really, really bad. I think the author was going through a video store at this point and just saw the box cover and thought, “That movie looks scary, plus it has women in it I would like to see naked.” Come to think of it, the box art for THe Descent is the exact same thing from Silence of the Lambs.

and

look at the Moth on Jodie Foster’s lips…

3. #23: The Eye

To give credit, they didn’t use the terrible remake of this Asian creeper. Buuuuut, they still didn’t do research and decided to come off looking racist instead:
“J-horror, Japan’s unique brand of scary movie, has had a fair share of successes…”

This isn’t a Japanese film. Just because they are Asian and it’s a horror movie, doesn’t make is J-Horror. Gin Gwai (2002), The Eye, is a Hong Kong film. To the Japanese and Chinese, this is like saying Australians and Swedish are the same. Do a little research before posting, all I’m saying.

4. #14: The Bride of Franenstein

I have little to no gripe with this film, I actually really like it. It’s a great look at mortality and morality all in one swift swoop of romanticism (and not the romanticism in the Valentine’s Day kinda way). But putting this on the greatest horror movies list is like putting American Beauty on the best comedy movies; sure there are funny moments but I wouldn’t list it as a comedy. Couldn’t have had Henry? Or Bucket of Blood?

5. #13: The Nightmare on Elm Street Series

I love the first Nightmare on Elm Street. I love the 3rd Nightmare on Elm Street. But the entire series? But Nightmare on Elm Street part 2? Part 5 or 6?

9 minutes of Part 2
I believe I can rest my case.

6. #11: Fraility

Who didn’t see the end coming? That’s like putting the Sixth Sense on this list of best horror movies. Fraility was a nice character film… it is not a horror movie. Fraility is to horror movies as a 5 star chef is to farming.

and wouldn’t you know it…

7. #6: The Sixth Sense

At best the 6th Sense is a thriller or a mystery. IT IS NOT A FUCKING HORROR MOVIE.

While the remaining list is pretty decent, I would have liked to have added some more titles. The movies on there seem like they are mostly over-popular hence the draw to them by the general public. To each their own. But with this, I will add another October Is For Horror Movies post tomorrow with 2 more films you should be watching to get in the mood for Halloween.