It’s the American tradition to shit on other cultures, take what looks good and make it our own. In some aspects, like Americanized Chinese food, it works pretty damn well… however, in the world of cinema it usually fails miserably. I mean, abysmally, awfully and painfully failing.
If you have read anything up to this point you probably know three things about me:
1. I love Panda Express and Dr Pepper, often at the same time
2. I love movies
3. I FUCKING HATE remakes
With disasters like Unfaithful, Lakehouse, The Vanishing, The Ring, The Grudge, Point of No Return, Nine Months, Scent of a Woman, Catch That Kid, The Birdcage, The Eye, Sommersby, My Sassy Girl, Vanilla Sky, Solaris, Quarantine, Three Men and a Baby, True Lies, Shall We Dance, Magnificent Seven, Taxi, The Running Man, City of Angels, No Reservations, and much much more…and to a lesser extent, Departed, Insomnia, In The Bedroom, Fist Full of Dollars, Victor Victoria, and EdTV all being remade from the original foreign films into American bastards (let’s say 98% of the time)…Why the HELL does Hollywood keep raping the rest of the world?
1. Money - It’s easy to take something already created, redo it, and sell it off to idiots who can’t think for themselves.
2. Lack of creativity - it’s easy to take something already created, redo it, and show it to audience who refuse to watch subtitles.
3. American Ignorance - When I worked at a video store it baffled my mind how many people refused to watch a movie simply because it had subtitles and was not in English. BAFFLED MY FUCKING MIND!
Movies like Run Lola Run, Love Me If You Dare, (Any movie by) Kurosawa, Infernal Affairs, Breathless, Old Boy, 2LDK, 9 Souls, Blue/White/Red, The Decalogues, Kikujiro, Battle Royale, Pan’s Labyrinth, The Tunnel, Amelie, My Sassy Girl and tons and tons more will never be enjoyed and deeply loved as they have with so many other people…simply because they are in a different language.
That is until a cheap American company comes along and says, “Hey, let’s not take a chance on an innovative up anc coming film maker’s idea, but rather let us bastardize another great work of art and call it original.”
“Yaaay!” The court jesters all praise the executive in hopes of moving up the socio-economical food chain in the company.
Sigh…
Which brings us to the beginning of today’s news:
Looks Like The American Remake of Old Boy Is A Go!
Steven Speilburg and Will Smith have been cooking ahead on the American remake of Korea’s master film, Old Boy. However, now it seems they have drugged and murdered the family of Mark Protosevich, the scribe behind yet another couple of remakes of titanic shit-stained-underwear proportions, Poseidon and I Am Legend.
As my friend John has said, “There is no way they can make Old Boy in America. Specially with Will Smith.” If they do this film right, this might scar Smith’s soccer mom friendly image, if they do it wrong, we’ll get another Hancock.
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Host To Be Remade….AS WELL!!!
Staying on the same emotional devastation as above, Bong Joon-ho’s awesome 2006 monster movie, The Host, is being green lit to be remade for American sheep. The director is choosing? Fredrik Bond. As I can not vouche for a feature films category his commercials are quite impressive.
Still, having a wicked set of commercials along side of a script writer, Mark Poirier, who has done one movie (Smart People…I can’t judge it, I have yet to see it) and a producer, Gore Verbinski (Pirates of the Caribbean…movies I have seen and will happily ridicule at the drop of a conversation), does not excuse the fact of remaking an awesome movie like The Host. Let’s put our collective web-savy minds together and pray that electronic pray to the Almighty Webasaurus and hope this one doesn’t get made….and while we’re praying and sacrificing techno-virgins, throw in a “please kill off the Old Boy remake” too.
Here is what Bong has to say about the subject:
“Maybe three or four years down the line, if The Host [remake] comes out, and there’s a cool director who takes it on and makes it a real great film, then I’d be very happy,” Bong told SciFiWire in an interview, through a translator. “On the other hand, if it’s just crap, I think I’d be happy, too, because then people would be like, ‘Oh, yeah, Bong’s original was really good.’ So, for me, it’s a win-win situation. But Universal has a tradition of doing horror and creature films, so I anticipate that they will do a great film.”