Dec 02 2008
Movie Reviews At A Glance
As much as I adore ranting and destroying movies in long diatribes, there is something to be said for a quick, glance-by review. In an attempt to become a better writer in hopes of getting a news paper gig (but I would never leave the safety and honesty of the Interwebs, besides where else can I say The Clone Wars sucked so much dick, it made Andy Dick look straight?), here are some reviews at a glance.
All movies are reviewed on a 5 star basis. While 5 stars means you should definitely go see this in the theater, a 4 star or 3 star means wait for the rental, and 1 star I am left scratching my head how the film got green lit to begin with.
Zack and Miri
3 Stars
Kevin Smith’s humor does not come through in this tale of desperate room mates who turn into porn producers. While there are funny parts, the movie doesn’t hold up to the previous catalog…well maybe it’s a hell of a lot better than Jersey Girl.
Pineapple Express
3 Stars
Funny, clever, and refusing to take itself seriously, this is one of the better made films from the Apatow camp. I didn’t find it very entertaining, but when compared to the previous dreck vomited forth by this team, this one shines above.
Forgetting Sarah Marshall
1 Star
Rule of Thumb: Don’t title your movie with a word that a critic can use to disarm it’s credibility if the movie is not very good. Ahem….Utterly forgettable. The only thing that saves this film from 0 stars is Paul Rudd’s surfer character. The movie follows suit to the “T” with accordance to the Apatow Camp of film making. Have a shallow plot, throw in TONS of needless scenes that have nothing to do with said plot and shake until premiere.
Hancock
0 Stars
Good god. Someone had a hard on for this at one time and it has been cut off and made into a pool stick since then. This movie is terrible. The plot is all over the place and the script is just plain basic. Also, when trying to hide an upcoming twist, don’t draw so much attention that even my retarded turtle raised his claw and said, “Oh come the fuck on, she’s his wife.”
The Happening
0 Stars
Is anyone even caring ab out M Night anymore? Yes, the 6th Sense was ok, yes Unbreakable was awesome, but every other thing he has done is just a cop out. It feels like he had a 10 picture deal and he is just trying to get it over with as painful as possible. This movie was weak beyond weak.
My Name Is Bruce
4 Stars
I will be doing a full review of this bad boy but for now let’s ease it with, it was awesome. As soon as it becomes obvious that the movie is made by B actors for B Movie lovers, it’s amazingly homagerific. See. I created a word for this review.
