Jun 07 2009
Friday the 13th
Holy living shit!
ARGH!
How many other people sat through this dreck? Let me take the bigger position here and stand up and say, I’m sorry.
This “re-imagining” is nothing more than trivial tripe. The movie is almost a fan-film that fucking fails so phenomenally that fans and freaks alike forbid fornicating during the film. Wow, ok, that’s enough of the “trying to write something decent.” This movie was so fucking bad it was hilarious!
However, not in the fun fun hilarious way we watch all the other slasher films. We watch them for ONE reason and ONE reason only. We want to see new and interesting deaths, kids who get ripped apart and comedically torn up. We want to see Jason, Michael, or Freddy track down, hunting them like vermin, and gutting them so violently that we no longer are squicked, but rather anticipate the new murder like Christmas morning, wondering what will be brought to us. This movie has some of the most boring kills of the entire Friday the 13th series, let along any slash series I can pull off my shelf. They are just fucking dull.
OH! Slashed throat.
Oh no! Slashed stomach.
Oh my god. Stabbed.
C’mon guys, your ENTIRE job is to make us jump and feel icky when we leave the theater, looking over our shoulders for the dark corners. But no, we are treated to dull, foreseeable pathetic scenarios with paper-thin characters and get this… best part, NO PLOT! There is no story. Kids go out to find some mystery crop of weed, Jason steps out and kills them. Kids go out to have a weekend away from school (or where ever) and a tag-along is looking for his missing sister, Jason steps out and kills them. Uh….. Sigh.
Don’t waste your time or your mental awareness. If you’re anything like me, you’ll forget you’re watching a movie and start doing something progressive… you know, like breathing.
I thought the first 20 minutes were decent but after the Friday the 13th name came across the screen It sucked.
You know, the first 20 minutes, felt like a decent intro to .. “Yet another in the long list of sequels” movie in the 13th saga. yes, it felt true. But that’s all it was, that’s all the movie was. There was little to no plot. At least the Hills Have Eyes tried to put some backstory on the remake.
The first segment felt like a 13th film, but after the opening title, just like you said, it had nothing to offer.
In all honesty - I wonder how many more good horror movies will be coming out. I told you once and I’ll tell everyone again that these series (Halloween, Friday, Zombie stuff) are more like a franchise than they are horror. It’s getting harder and harder to scare people - especially when the movie features a villian/killer/misunderstood creepy guy who’ve been seen so many times in so many different situations.
So Junk, you’re right - forget trying to be gorier than the last 10 movies, forget trying to scare people with these franchises - bring on the interesting kills! I, too, was disappointed to see Jason kill more than one time with his machete. It should have been one time only, then step up his mutha-fuckin game!